Sibling Resources for Moms and Dads

• Brothers & Sisters Who have Made a Difference - One of the real joys directing the Sibling Support Project is meeting the many giving brothers and sisters who are making a difference in the lives of others. Invariably, these sibs make a significant contribution to the lives of their brothers and sisters who have special needs. Almost as often, they make contributions to others as well.

• Brothers and Sisters of People Who Have Mental Retardation - Yes and no. The relationship between siblings can be a very important part of any person's life. Siblings often share the same family experiences and form a special relationship which can last throughout their lives. Children who grow up together in the same family can form a unique bond, regardless of a brother or sister having a disability. In fact, the relationship between siblings and their brother or sister with a disability can be identical to the relationship between any brother or sister. They may be close and remain so into adulthood, or they may never develop a close relationship or grow apart as they get older. Family situations and circumstances, such as divorce or even cultural differences, can also affect the way a sibling relationship develops.

• Creating Programs Specifically for Brothers and Sisters - Like their parents, brothers and sisters appreciate opportunities to meet others who have had similar experiences, discussing their common joys and concerns and learning more about issues and services that affect their families. Understanding this, agencies are more frequently creating programs designed specifically for siblings by providing some of the following opportunities.

• Is having a sibling with a disability different than having a sibling who does not have a disability - Yes and No. The relationship between siblings can be a very important part of any person's life.  Siblings often share the same family experiences and form a special relationship which can last throughout their lives.

• Focus On Siblings…A child’s disability affects them too…- Parents and community services sometimes concentrate so much on the needs of a child with disabilities that they do not consider how the disability affects other family members- such as the family’s other children/

• How does growing up in an exceptional family affect siblings of kids with special health or developmental needs? - Siblings of children with special needs have special needs themselves.  Their sister or brother with special needs will get a bigger share of attention.  While having a special needs sib presents challenges, it also comes with opportunities.  When parents tune in to each child’s individual needs, they can help ease the difficulties.

• Including Brothers and Sisters: a Checklist for Agencies - Here are a few considerations to facilitate the inclusion of siblings in planning and implementing family support services.

• Intervention with siblings of children with developmental disabilities from economically disadvantaged families - SOCIOECONOMIC DISADVANTAGE IS consistently associated with poor outcomes for children (DuBois, Felner, Meares, & Krier, 1994; McLoyd, 1990). Specifically, children in poverty are likely to show low academic performance and poor socioemotional adjustment. When examining the relationship between poverty and children's poor outcomes, several authors (DuBois, Felner, Meares et al., 1994; McLoyd, 1990) have pointed out that poverty is so detrimental to children because of its negative effects on their everyday lives. Specifically, economic disadvantage is linked to increased amounts of chronic stress and large numbers of negative life events (Felner et al., 1995; Seidman & Rapkin, 1983).

• A Mother's Perspective! - My heart was breaking; my world was spiraling out of control as the pediatric neurologist explained, “Sean (our once typical toddler) would never again talk, have normal eye contact nor ever be a functioning member of our family.”

• Notes from the book Siblings Without Rivalry - I would like to introduce families to a book that might help address issues related to sibling rivalry. All sibling relationships can have their good times and their rocky times. In the book, Siblings Without Rivalry, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, parents are provided with an easy to read, down-to-earth approach to managing sibling conflict. Plus, there are many entertaining cartoons illustrating every day parent/sibling experiences. One particular aspect of the book is "What do you do with sibling rivalry when one of the siblings has a disability."

• Opportunities Available to Brothers and Sisters - Siblings are presented with Opportunities for personal growth and character development. Research has shown that siblings possess maturity, self-concept, social competence, insight, tolerance, pride and loyalty. These Opportunities are also discussed in a book by Donald Meyer and Patricia Vadasy called Living with a Brother of Sister with Special Needs: A Book for Sibs. Following is an examination of the Opportunities for Brothers and Sisters.

• Siblings of Autism and Related Disorders - My name is Ashley and I am seventeen years old. I have a brother, Albert, who is twenty and has Autism. Our family lives in New Jersey but, we have lived in Florida and Connecticut as well. Albert is one of millions of children around the world who have Autism. Unfortunately, this disability comes with a lot of stress for everyone who lives around it

• Siblings of Children with Autism - An Interview with Sandra Harris -  Sandra L. Harris, Ph.D., is a Professor at the Rutgers University and the Director of the Division of Research and Training at the Douglass Developmental Disabilities Center. Her book, Siblings of Children with Autism, explores the impact of raising a child with autism on the family, especially on brothers and sisters. In this compelling interview she discusses ways to cope with the impacts of autism on your family.

• Siblings of Children with Special Health and Developmental Needs - Since 1986, when Congress passed the Temporary Child Care for Children with Disabilities and Crisis Nurseries Act (as amended), respite care programs for children with special health and developmental needs have expanded to almost every state. Increasingly, agencies that administer these programs are broadening their attention to include all family members, and to offer many family support services in addition to respite care. While the parents of the child with special health and developmental needs have been the first to benefit from this heightened awareness, agencies are now beginning to understand that brothers and sisters of children with special needs have concerns that in many ways parallel their parents' experience. But compared with their parents, these brothers and sisters enjoy far fewer programs, services and considerations--even though the sibling relationship is frequently the longest lasting relationship in the family.

• Sibling Issues - Raising a child with autism places some extraordinary demands on parents as individuals and on the family as a whole. Prime among these demands is the lack of enough hours in the day to do all one wishes. The time involved in meeting the needs of a family member with autism may leave parents with little time for their other children.

• Sibling Needs - Helpful Information for Parents - developmental considerations and what you tell siblings of varying ages

• The Sibling Support Project - The Sibling Support Project, believing that disabilities, illness, and mental health issues affect the lives of all family members, seeks to increase the peer support and information opportunities for brothers and sisters of people with special needs and to increase parents' and providers' understanding of sibling issues.

• Story Starters: Family Folder: Family Support File - The challenges of caring for siblings with disabilities.

• Understanding Sibling Issues - The birth of a child with a disability or chronic illness, or the discovery that a child has a disability, has a profound effect on a family. Children suddenly must adjust to a brother or sister who, because of their condition, may require a large portion of family time, attention, money, and psychological support. Yet it is an important concern to any family that the nondisabled sibling adjust to the sibling with a disability. It is important because the nondisabled child's reactions to a sibling with a disability can affect the overall adjustment and development of self-esteem in both children.

• What support can be provided to siblings of students with disabilities? - In the United States, over 5.8 million children have disabilities. Most have brothers and sisters. Throughout their lives, these brothers and sisters will share many—if not most—of the same concerns that parents of children with special needs experience, as well as issues that are uniquely theirs. These concerns are well known to their parents and have been documented in the research and clinical literature. Among the concerns mentioned by authors, parents, and siblings themselves include: feelings of isolation, guilt, resentment, perceived pressure to achieve, increased caregiving demands, and concerns about their role in their sibling's future.

Contact the Families Together Center near you for more information.